We won't sleep together?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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