I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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