I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
