I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
