The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
