Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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