We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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