Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
