The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
