Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
