I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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