Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
