I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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