so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
