My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
