East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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