I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
