So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
