I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you didnt know i had herpes?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
