come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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