Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
