her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
