Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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