the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize