Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
