oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
