My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
