Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We left the knife in your bed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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