Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
