I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
