i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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