For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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