You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize