If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
