my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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