Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize