Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
