How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I smell like Dick and happiness
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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