Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
