I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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