marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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