I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
