Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
