Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
