well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
