my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
