i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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