Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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