Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
