i was born a porn star she said
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
True college students do jello shots in the library
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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