He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
