Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
