lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
