My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
