Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
