this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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