am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
