Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
