Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
