I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
