Christians are straight up FREAKS
Swine flu. Run for my life!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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