real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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