ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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