What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
