I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
