i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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