I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
