So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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