WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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