The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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