See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
a search helicopter?!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
