Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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