Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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