I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
