I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
