you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize