So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
