Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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