Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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