I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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