Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
