You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
