i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
