Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
