Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
her vagine was all disorganized.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
